The Phantom Play
by XxXTheNamelessOneXxX
Summary: Nemesis, Wolf, Blaze, Jess, and Tigress hear that some people are making a play about the Star Wars series. They force the SW Characters to watch it with them, and the actors butcher the play. AU, 1st in a series of 6. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**The Phantom Play**

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**A/N: I just made a narrator especially for this story. Her name's Tessa, and this is episode 1/6**

**Disclaimer: Dammit, I don't own Star Wars! XD I also don't own the real people in this story, or Bloo...or the Pie Factory (though I wish I did..) or Starbucks.(ditto)**

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Chapter One

Nemesis, Wolf, and Tigress were watching T.V. They were taking a day off of killing evil people... namely, Palpy Pocket.

"Gosh, Tess, get to the point!"

Anyways... The three crazy people, STOP THROWING STUFF AT ME!, saw a commercial saying that a play version of Star Wars was on tomorrow, and that it was going to be the 1st movie. It also said that the people who made this play would be making 5 others, too.

"We've got to see that." Wolf said.

"Wolf and I'll get Blaze... and you can get all the Star Wars characters to come..." Nemesis said to Tigress.

Tigress walked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. The walls started spinning. **(1)** Finally, they stopped and she opened the door in front of her. It was full of fake spiders and snakes.

An ear-piercing scream could be heard around the galaxy.

Tigress marked the door with a purple amaranth, then slammed it shut. The walls spun around again. This time, when she opened the door it lead into the command deck of the Executor, where all the good guys were drinking coffee and watching T.V., Vader was pacing around, and Palpy Pocket was drowning in lava... well, he was being burned while drowning in lava...

"Okay, WHO _UNMARKED _THE DOORS AGAIN?" Tigress shrieked.

"It was Palpy, it was Palpy!" Chanted Luke and Han. "It was Palpy, it was Palpy, it was Palpy, it was Palpy..."

"Okay, okay, enough."

"It was Palpy, it was Palpy, it was Palpy.."

"ENOUGH!" She took a deep breath. "I'll deal with him later...Now, who wants to see a movie?" She asked excitedly. Everyone else groaned in mock horror. "Great! It's tomorrow, and it starts at... at..."

YAY! Celebrate! She doesn't know what time it starts, she doesn't know what time it starts, but I do! Oh, crap... shouldn't ave said that...

"Tess," Tigress said sweetly, but with as much venom in her words as a rattlesnake bite," When does the play start?" Because of COURSE she could read the filler text... darn her...

"I heard that!"

Fine. The play starts at nine o'clock am sharp...

"So, as I was saying, tomorrow, 9 am, living room. "

She stalked out of the room.

* * *

Nemesis and Wolf were looking everywhere, but they just couldn't find Blaze, so they went to the Pie Factory... naturally.

"Nemesis, Nemesis! The pie is talking! Blaze is at Starbucks!" Wolf said happily. Then she turned back to the pie, talking to it in Pienese.

* * *

**Tigress: Blaze appears in the next chapter.**

**Blaze: yay!**

**Bloo: So do I!**

**Tigress: Yup, and we'll start watching the play the next chapter too!**

**(1****) Find out where Tigress got this, and you might be able to co-author. Just tell her your appearance, personality, weapons, whether you want to be an actor or just a co-author, and your favorite character from SW.**

**Blaze: Review or else the candy is all mine!**

**Bloo: Don't let her have all the candy! She'll get hyper!**


	2. Chapter 2

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**The Phantom Play**

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**Tigress: Yay! New Chapter!**

**Blaze: I finally appear!**

**Bloo: So do I!**

**Blaze: Tigress doesn't own Star Wars, me, Bloo, or the Duo of DOOM!**

**Tigress: You forgot about Jesselin! She got the question right. It was from OOTP.**

***confetti***

******

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**

After Wolf had finished talking with the Pie, the Duo of DOOM! headed over to the nearest Starbucks. The found Blaze talking to a girl with dark brown hair and green eyes.

"Hey Wolf, Nemesis! Come meet Jesselin, also known as Jess. She's a Jedi, too!" Blaze shouted, when she noticed the Duo.

"Hey Jess!" Wolf smiled. "Blaze: Tigress, Nemesis, and I discovered that some people are making a play about the Star Wars movies!"

"Cool!" Blaze replied.

"So we thought that you'd like to watch it too so we came to find you." Nemesis told her.

"I'm coming for sure!" Blaze said enthusiastically. "Jess, do you want to come, too?"

"Sure!"

******

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**

After a night of stars, moons, pie, fans, lanterns, shouting, feathers, pillows, birds, bricks, lightning, listening to Skillet, mice, pecils, books, paper, tigers, movies, and wolves, it was finally morning.

* * *

The "EVERYONE WAKE UP!" call woke everyone up. The five authoressess and Bloo had gotten up early and made popcorn for the good people and nothing for the Evillies.

* * *

Nine am...

Tigress flicked on the T.V. to the dismay of the characters. The play was about to start.(The Italics are the play)

******

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**

A screen was lowered onto the empty stage. There were three words on it: THE PHANTOM PLAY.

Suddenly, the Force Theme music started playing. These words rolled up the screen and into darkeness:

_Turmoil has engulfed the Blah,_

_The Blah of Blah is Blah._

_Beef jerky is hard to blow bubbles with._

_The thing is trying to get someone to sing_

_A lion is about to attack a geese._

_Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are about to go on a suicide mission_

_Anakin's going to turn to the Dark side because they have cookies._

_Yoda's going to like Guitar Hero... very much,_

_Leia's going to marry a random stranger,_

_Luke's going to blow up Alderaan,_

_Something something conflict..._

The screen rises. A ship-shaped box with fake Obi-Wan and fake Qui-gon in it is walking towards an huge cardboard eye.

_"Captain, tell those stupid idiots that we wish to board at once and kill them.." Qui-Gon said menacingly. _They were infront of a model of the cockpit. The Captain and the other person was sitting on lawn chairs with a keyboard and headphones. The Jedi were standing.

_"Yessir." _She turns to the radio thingy on the ground and switches it on._"The Jedi wish to board at once." _she said. "_They wish to kill you."_

* * *

Everyone was staring at the T.V. in shock. Then the five authoresses collapsed simultaneously on the floor in a fit of laughter...

* * *

**Tigress: So?**

**Jess: Nice...**

**Blaze: Yoda likes Guitar hero? EPIC.**

**Wolf: Yep! I wrote about it in Craziness.**

**Blaze: (Vanishes to go read about it in Craziness)**

**Tigress: So review if you want to see the next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

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**The Phantom Play**

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**Tigress:New Chapter!**

**Everyone: Yay!**

**Everyone but Palpyfreak: (kicks Palpyfreak in ice-cold water filled with man-eating dolphins) Yay!**

**Tigress: I own.. (que dramatic music) Nothing! except myself and Tess.

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**

_Back to the TV..._

Nute looked shocked. _I have enemies in the galaxy? he asked Dofine, confused. _

"Hold on, hold on." Tigress clicked pause on the remote. She turned to Blaze. "Can you used your remote to bring Nute here?" she asked.

"Wh- Oh, yeah... of course!" She said, catching Tigress's drift. She dug out her remote from one of her seemingly endless pockets on her coat and pressed the big green button.

There was a bright flash and then Nute, Rune, and Dofine appeared, looking as ugly as always. Anyways, back to the story.

Tigress turned back to the TV and clicked play.

_"Of course you have enemies, you idiot! You, after all, are part of the Federation- wait, what's my next line?" He told Nute._

_"It's: Just invite them on board so you don't look stupid and so we can find out what they're up too and kill them." A random person off stage facepalmed after he whisper-shouted to the Fake Dofine._

"Hey! I'm not stupid!" Nute said, or should we call him Newt...

"YES YOU ARE!" Everyone said.

"Shush!" The authoresses turned their attention back to the TV.

Nute was looking green as he said,"_ Alright, you may board this ship," _into the radio thingy. "_But only on these conditions: 1, you may not use the Force, 2, you may not kill people or droids or any other living thing, 3, you may not talk to the fish, 4, you may not chew beef jerky, 5, you may not-"_

_"OKAY! We get it!" Obi-Wan and Qui-gon shouted at him through the radio. _The two Fake Jedi picked up the ship-shaped box and walked to the eye-shaped control center thingy. Right after they left, the cockpit got blown apart and the captain and the other unimportant guy collapsed on the floor. The camera moved to zoom on the 'meeting' room that was right next to the eye-shaped control center.

_"Why do I get a bad feeling that there won't be any beef jerky on that ship?" Obi-Wan asked Qui-Gon._

_"Quit obsessing over beef jerky, my young, obnoxious, loud, and annoying padawan!" Qui-Gon said, sighing. _

_"Whatever... These Federation people are cowards, the negotiations will be short... then we can go back to our safe, comfy little..." He drifted off as he saw the remains of their ship. The camera had moved to let the audience see the ship... which was little more than a piece of scrap cardboard._

"WHAT? They.. They, they skipped the whole part about Master Yoda saying that I should be mindful of the future stuff!" Obi-Wan complained loudly.

_The camera had moved back to the control center. _

_"But.. but but but they are Jedi!" Nute stuttered, nervously._

"I do not stutter!"

_"No! There is no hope left!" Dofine wailed miserably. _

_"We must call Darth Sidious while we still have time."_

_"It's LORD Sidious, idiot." Dofine snapped, wacking Nute upside the head._

_"OWWW!"

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_

_"Do they always make people wait this long?" Obi-Wan asked, before taking a bite out of the beef jerky from the tray before him. "Ew, stale jerky."  
_

_"No, I do not think so..." Qui-Gon takes a sip of the drink. "OH! Yum! Coffee!"

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_

_A while later..._

_"Darth.. I mean Lord Sidious, your plan has failed." Dofine wailed sadly."There are Jedi here!"_

_"You seem more worried about the Jedi than me." Sidious said, amused. " Viceroy! I need coffee!"_

_Nute looked nervous as he stepped forwards, handing coffee to Sidious. "Yes?" He managed to grind out, even though his voice was squeaky. _

"My voice is not squeaky!" He said, squeakily.

"Please, someone do shut him up." Snape drawled out. Wait, when did Snape get here?

_"AHH! IT's the poisonous gas!" Obi-Wan shouted._

"NEWT! You made us skip the part where Dofine hides in terror!" Nemesis said, angrily.

Blaze threw him into a volcano.

* * *

_The Jedi were fighting the random droids that popped up. They were using glow sticks to whack the legs of the droids. A droid fell down and his head came off, rolling around like a bowling ball, tripping everyone up._

_Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon ran off into the ventilation shaft, which was basically just a big refrigerator box. They crawled to the end, then ducked down behind some more boxes and sneaked a glance._

_"The Federation are going to invade Naboo!" Qui-Gon said._

_"That's odd."_

_"Well, you were right, my padawan, perhaps you are not as stupid as you look.."_

_"What was I right about?" Obi-Wan persisted._

_"The negotiations were short."

* * *

_

_The screen rolled down again. This time, it read:_

_This is the 1st intermission of 10 intermissions... maybe 20, but anyways, you have a 10 minute water break, now shoo!"

* * *

_

_"_That's a lot of intermissions." Luke said.

"YAY!" Blaze cheered.

"What's her problem?" Leia murmured to her brother.

"Which one?" He asked back.

"I heard that! But, I don't have a problem! It's just that Anakin's appearing after the intermission... well, not right after... but..."

Anakin and Blaze cheered.

* * *

**Tigress: That was fun...**

**Wolf: Yup**

**Jess: Yup**

**Nemesis: Yup**

**Blaze: Yup**

**Palpyfreak: Nope!**

**The 5 Authoresses: Shut up!**

**Palpyfreak: No!**

**The 5 Authoresses: (Takes out weapons of choice) **

**Palpyfreak: I should run now...**

**Blaze, Wolf, Nemesis, and Jess: Yup (chases Palpyfreak)**

**Tigress: Review please! (Goes to catch up with the other crazy authoresses)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

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**The Phantom Play**

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**Tigress:New Chapter!**

**Everyone: Finally!**

**Tigress: SORRY!**

**Angry mob: =brandishes pitchforks=**

**Tigress: MEEP! **

**Anakin: YAY! I finally come in!**

**Blaze: ANAKIN!**

**Anakin: Crap...**

**Tigress: =laughs= I don't own Star Wars, blah blah blah...

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**

As soon as everybody was settled, Tigress passed out popcorn to everyone but Palpy ("HEY!**" "**Shut up!"), licorice to Wolf, candy for Blaze, ice cream for Jess, pitchfork shaped gummies for Nemesis, and snickerdoodles for herself. Everyone then turned back to the TV, waiting for it to begin.

* * *

_"WELCOME BACK! I trust that you all had a very pleasant intermission?" read the screen _("NOT!" "Palpy, SHUT UP!"). _"Now, back to the show..."

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_

_The Fake Obi-Wan (Ok, let's say Obi-Wan, not 'the fake' Obi-wan cause it's annoying to type everytime...)... ahem, Obi-Wan and Qui-gon found a thing that looked like a shuttle and climbed aboard. They stowed away in the one compartment in airplanes where you put your luggage and waited for the Droid steering the ship to take them down to Naboo._

_Finally, after a slapping contest, several injuries, a pig playing the piano (ALLITERATION!), bubbly soda, and exploding books, the Jedi and the evil Droid (Let's just say it's name was... J34) arrived at Naboo... which is basically a change of scenery...

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_

_A grassy, forest-like background was lowered and J34 and the Jedi climbed out. Immediately, Qui-Gon demolished J34 (Aww, poor him) and ran into the woods(Also known as tall chairs with green leafy things on it). Obi-Wan followed, only to trip over a gigantic rock and splash into the mud. _

_Quickly he straightened up. He took out his lightsaber. and attempted to ignite it, but failed._

_"You forgot didn't you?" Qui-Gon asked, glancing back at Obi-Wan.  
_

_"To do what?" Obi-Wan said innnocently._

_"To turn off your lightsaber." _

_"I did no such th... okay, you got me." Obi-Wan admitted. "How does he always know?" He added to himself._

_The Screen came down. It read: "Then, the two Jedi went into an underwater theme/amusement park and when they surfaced, they found themselves on the other side of Naboo.

* * *

_

_"_WHAT?" Yelled Jar-Jar suddenly. "Theysa did not include meesa!"

Tigress paused it.

"Jeesh, chill, dude!" Said Wolf, while Nemesis snickered.

"YAY! CANDY!" Cried Blaze.

"Finished, people?" asked Tigress

"Yesh."

* * *

_The screen rolled up, as the Jedi marched onto the stage, which was filled with columns... or something that looked like columns, anyway._

_The Jedi went to the Palace (Which is clearly labeled: THE PALACE) and found the queen with evil droids J24, J56, J22, and J98. Qui-Gon quickly obliterated them while Obi-Wan chewed on beef jerky. _

_"Thank you!" The Queen said.

* * *

_

Suddenly, it paused, because Blaze had wrestled the remote out of Tigress' hands and now was fast-forwarding to the place where they land on Tatooine.

"NO!" cried Jess, attempting to wrestle the remote out of Blaze's hands. "I wanted to watch the part about Maul!"

Tigress facepalmed.

* * *

_The gigantic hula-hoop landed and Qui-Gon, Padme, and a wierd creature with floppy ears that was probably Jar Jar stepped out. Or rather.. hopped out. They started walking towards a town pictured on the backboard. _

_A while later, they reached some buildings._

_"We'll try some of the smaller dealers." Qui-Gon said._

_He walked towards a run-down looking building. Inside, a little boy was playing with some tools._

_A winged creature flew out of a doorway. _

_"Hello.. My name is Watto... what do you want?" he said._

_"I need a warp drive and some other parts for my spaceship... model J29 Nubian cruiser."_

_"Ah, you are in luck. I am the only one who has the parts." He said proudly._

_"May I see them?" asked Qui-Gon. Then he turned to Jar Jar. "Don't touch ANYTHING"_

_Qui-Gon and Watto walked... errr and flew out of the spotlight._

_"Are you an angel?" Asked Anakin to Padme. "Wait, don't answer that... That's the stupidest question ever, I hope some little kid won't start copying me."_

_"Okay?"_

_"I'm Anakin Skywalker, nice to meet you."_

_"Padme."

* * *

_

_The spotlight moved to Qui-Gon and Watto. _

_"Ah, yes, these are the parts we need."_

_"They are 700 gold pieces."_

_"I have 20,000 republican credits..."_

_"NO!"_

_"Credits will do fine." Qui-Gon said waving his hand._

_"No, they won't! What do you think you are, wavin your hand around? Some kinda Jedi?"_

_"As a matter of fact, yes, I am a Jedi."

* * *

_

_Qui-Gon turned his heel and left._

_"We're going," he said to Jar Jar and Padme.

* * *

_

Tigress paused it.

"Time for Lunch!" she announced.

"Are we having Pizza?" Asked Jess.

"PLEASE?" An evil glint was visible in Nemesis' eye.

"Okay..."

* * *

15 minutes later...

DING DONG!

The doorbell rang, signaling the pizza man.

Nemesis grabbed the pizza, and ran back to the table.

"PIZZA FIGHT!" she screamed as she threw a pizza to Blaze.

* * *

**Tigress: SORRY! for the long wait...**

**Blaze: GRR... =eyes lightsaber=**

**Nemesis: =laughs=**

**Blaze: =chases Nemesis=**

**Wolf: =is eating pizza= This is good!**

**Jess: Yup!**

**Blaze and Anakin: ANAKIN (I) FINALLY CAME IN! YAY!**

**Tigress: Review! Or else I shall throw pizza at you!  
**


End file.
